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Published on May 30th, 2011 | by Patrick Riley

River Who? Find Out Saturday!


“River… Who are you?”

“You’re going to find out very soon now. And I’m sorry, but that’s when everything changes.”

Guess what, esteemed readers of Kasterborous – “very soon” is this Saturday.

I know, right? The moment we’ve all been waiting for ever since Silence in the Library back in 2008, the moment we’ve known is fast approaching since The Big Bang last June will finally be upon us at the end of this week.

We’re going to find out who River Song is.

It seems so surreal, and apparently it’s going to remain that way even after all has been revealed if Karen Gillan’s words are anything to go by:

“I really like the very long, drawn out process of finding out who River Song is, because you can really invest in it. You gradually find out more about her, then in Episode 7 of this series, she finally reveals who she is, and it is such a shocker. I couldn’t believe it when I read it.”

Plus, as River suggested at the beginning of this post and in The Big Bang, nothing for our four heroes will ever be the same again…

“It’s such a clever twist, and it will change everything. It’ll change everyone’s relationships and what everyone thinks about each other. It’ll just mark a massive change in the show.”

Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of your final opportunities to speculate about River’s identity in the comment section of a Kasterborous article… Make it a good one, eh?

A Good Man Goes To War this Saturday at 6:40 PM on BBC One.

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About the Author

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Patrick is a temporal hitchhiker who spends most of his time in the future. His favourite Doctor is the Fourteenth. If you're especially lucky, you might even hear him tweet to all you merry folk in the past @10PatrickRiley.




25 Responses to River Who? Find Out Saturday!

  1. avatar Starman says:

    River’s a Gallifrey inspector chasing the Doctor up for 900 years of unpaid tax ;)


    • Now THAT would be a real shocker ;)

  2. avatar 23skidoo says:

    I think we can rule out River being the Doctor’s daughter. Unless the show has suddenly become Spartacus, and plans to alienate the remaining kids not scared off by the Rebel Flesh/Almost People two-parter, after seeing River and the Doctor flirt, snog, and all that in Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon, there’s no way they could go there.

    The TARDIS? I can’t see that, because a) it would ruin the impact of The Doctor’s Wife and b) there were too many scenes that show River piloting the TARDIS without any indication that she’s “Idris”.

    Older Rose? Not a chance. Rose is RTD’s character, not Steven’s. And having someone else other than Billie Piper play her would just annoy too many people. And it’s definitely not Amy because Amy would have recognized herself.

    The Corsair? That would be really cool but the Doctor would have identified her as a Time Lord earlier (and she clearly isn’t doing the Chameleon Arch thing). And revealing her to be that wouldn’t qualify as earth-shattering, series-changing.

    I think there’s a clue to be had in a couple of recent episodes: the Time/Space mini-episode and this week’s Almost People, to be precise. You might be able to do the math but I want to wait and see if I’m right before actually coming out and saying it…


    • I used to be one of the proponents of River being Jenny, but ever since the Impossible Astronaut that theory has sort of fallen by the wayside lol

  3. avatar BJAMES says:

    I’m genuinely hoping for something SHOCKING. The fact that the more predictable guesses (she’s a Time Lord, Amy and Rory’s child, etc.)that have been cast about seem to amount to non-event, makes me hope that our fearless producer has something truly incredible ahead for us. I’m willing to wait and see, rather than seek out spoilers, so come on down, Saturday!


    • Agreed… Honestly if any of the theories here or anywhere else are correct, especially if my own theory is correct, I’ll definitely be disappointed. I want my mind BLOWN!

  4. avatar Rick says:

    In the most recent interview with Moffat in DWM, the Moff says we’ll find out who she is, or at least “an installment”–whatever that means. He also said that the question of who she is is quickly becoming secondary to the ongoing drama of their relationship. I dunno….

    There is a theory—which is mine, which is as follows: A) As we’ve seen in Rebel flesh, we had two Doctors who, at some point, switched their shoes to fool everyone. B) We’ve also seen that Jennifer was capable of producing other Ganger copies of herself. C) The Tardis is also organic and alive. D) Amy has been a Ganger all season and we didn’t know it. Could it be possible that River hooked up with the Doctor’s *Ganger* in the future all this time and it’s a Ganger copy that gets killed 200 years in the future? My theory.


    • Interesting… I only read DWM sometimes, so I might have missed that interview. From what he’s suggesting, I think there’ll still be some sort of mystery surrounding River, but we’ll at least get an “oh *I* see!” moment (or maybe a “was that IT?” moment) where we have some understanding.

      Quite an interesting theory you’ve got there; it would be quite the shock if it turned out that after all this time River in fact was NOT someone from the Doctor’s future, even though she thought she was…

  5. avatar Laz says:

    I think that even though now it might have become a little predictable, it would still be beyond awesome if River turned out to be Amy and Rory’s child. And I’m not saying this (only 8-) ) because I’ve been thinking she might be long before it became likely these past weeks, but because it would make perfectly sense, it would make the narrative extremely strong, and it would still leave a lot of open options for “WTF moments” (and we’re having a lot of those this year) and a lot of open possibilities for the future. Also she’d be the Doctor’s wife, but nobody’s having many doubts about that… and “knowing” it has’t made her less interesting.

    I’d love to find out that when Moffat created River Song he knew she’d be the daughter of two future companions… and I’d love to find out that when he created Amy and Rory he knew they’d be her parents.

    So, yeah, I’d love her to be their child. And if she also is the regenerating kid at the end of 6×02… I wonder how she can regenerate (that’s some added mystery!)

    Of course maybe she won’t, and it will be awesome anyway. But I hope she is.


    • Yes, that’s sort of become my theory as well lately, but as I said in an earlier comment on this post, I hope we’re wrong!

  6. avatar STLShawn says:

    What are the parts of a song,,, time, beat, signature, melody,,,,, hmmmmmmmm

  7. avatar Rick says:

    I kind of hope she’s not Rory and Amy’s daughter because mostly, she certainly doesn’t treat them in any such way. You’d think there’d be an occasional look or glance giving away some connection. Who knows, though, unless River herself doesn’t even know it!


    • This is going to be vague, but if I remember right, in Day of the Moon, River shoots something or something like that and then says “my old man didn’t see that did he?” while Rory is watching but not the Doctor. We’re supposed to believe she was referring to the Doctor, but how often do you hear someone referring to “my old man” and not mean their father? She may still have been talking about the Doctor, but with Rory in the frame and the Doctor nowhere near if I remember right, it could be the production crew trying to hint at something… Yet again I’ll say i hope I’m wrong!

  8. avatar Rick says:

    She actually says: “My old *fella* didn’t see that, did he?” It was a very boyfriend/husband/companion oriented comment. She knew she was talking to Rory at the time but was asking about the Doctor.

    There’s been way too much sexual innuendo, especially between the two of them in “Day of the moon” including the kissing for her to be in any way related to the Doctor other than as a wife. As someone very recently pointed out to me, whatever we imagine, Moffat will come up with something different, shocking and ten times better! I’m hoping that’s the case. :)


  9. Ahhhh okay yeah that was a case of a poor memory on my part.

  10. avatar mabtycoon says:

    Alright… Lets get weird… My theory is:

    River Song is…. the TARDIS.

    We know River kills ‘the best man i’ve ever known’ which would/could be the Dr…. (bear with me!)

    We know the TARDIS explodes, which MAY have been dealt with in the Big Bang, or maybe not.

    Perhaps the TARDIS encounters an event where it tries to keep him from harm by keeping him inside. Afterall River has said “Oh Doctor, Why do i let you out?” So it explodes with him being kept inside… BUT

    The Dr survives (or maybe doesnt) and gallifreyan DNA mixes with parts of the TARDIS which then ‘learns’ to ‘regenerate’ and goes from a TARDIS to a TARDIS/TimeLord and that is River Song.

    That would certainly be a time ‘when everything changes’… right?

    The River/Doctor kiss as an extension of the crying-hello between the Doctor and the Idris/TARDIS and the hello-sweety as being similar to the sexy name he’s given the TARDIS… sign posts are everywhere! Right?

    ANYONE at all with me on this?


    • Interesting theory, but what happens when River gets stuck in CAL? How does the Doctor get around without a TARDIS? They’re not just going to cancel the show. Perhaps it’ll become an earth-based show, like a second Pertwee era ;)

  11. avatar STLShawn says:

    Ooops, posted under wrong story,,, i guess i should wait till i get home and stop trying to comment at work :)


  12. Lol! No worries, Shawn!

  13. avatar newtondkc says:

    I had a really awesome dream last night – I LOVE the rare times I’ve had dreams about Doctor Who – split between those where it’s “real” and I’m living it and those where I’m watching these episodes for various Doctors that are like lost episodes (had a bunch of these in those dark times when it was off the air, before we knew it would be coming back) – ANYWAY – this dream was beyond cool and a weird combo where I was in it and living it but it was also like I was watching it on TV, if that makes any sense. and it was River revealing who she was – and it was a whopper!

    So the end of the “episode” is fast approaching, the Demons Run asteroid is blowing apart section by section from a Time Disintegrator Bomb Array, and we’ve just all made it back to the TARDIS. The Doctor snaps his fingers and the doors open and he gestures “INSIDE EVERYONE!” to us – Amy and the baby, assisted by Rory, and a few of the other survivors of our party rush in, but River stops (and I’m somehow watching all this of course).
    River: (sadly – bittersweet almost) No Sweetie, I’m sitting this one out.
    The Doctor: INSIDE! That’s an order!
    River (grabs his hands and holds them to her chest): You make this trip without me my love – but we’ll meet again soon – the first time, for me actually.
    The Doctor: River, There’s no time for this, inside NOW!
    River (shaking her head and tears beginning to roll down her face): There’s plenty of Time to come. I told you someday you’d find out who I am, what I am, and that time is now.
    The Doctor (intrigued but another explosions rocks the ground and flames and screams are all around): Then you can tell me just as easily in the TARDIS-now insi-
    River: No, it has to be this way, please understand, and know that I Lov- (More explosions and the entire area shakes so violently that they almost fall to the ground. Amy screams from inside the TARDIS to hurry)
    The Doctor: (becoming frantic and with urgency in his voice, showing that he has come to care a great deal about River) Please, just go inside and we can talk, we can talk as long as you like and I don’t care who or what you are just please River – you can’t stay here!
    River: Someday very soon, we’ll be together…
    The Doctor: Yes, I get that – (confused look on his face, then it dawns on him what she means by “together”)oh. OH!
    River: It will be a miracle, a beautiful, innocent miracle that we will both love more than anything in the Universe, in any Universe. But I can’t carry our baby, there’s too much danger, too many out to get me – to get US! Amy’s baby – it’s not Rory’s – she’s your’s(The Doctor’s eyes grow wide) – and mine! Silly, our daughter, mine and yours! (picking up the pace, trying to say what she has practised saying so many times before) -Amy agrees to carry our baby to term for us.
    The Doctor: She said there was something important to tell me and Rory – she said she didn’t know how but she just knew…
    River: That the baby wasn’t hers, yes, she’s right. Amy agrees – in the future – to carry her for us, to keep her safe –
    The Doctor: Then how- (a rumble and explosion shakes everything so violently that a huge fissue appears in the ground immediately between the TARDIS and the Doctor and River)
    River: I don’t have much time – because of other things, other reasons you still don’t know yet – Amy offered to carry her, but we had to go to Amy in the past to make sure even She didn’t know who the baby really is – the only way to keep her truly safe, in case someone would kidnap her, scan her mind, or worse – she couldn’t give up a secret she didn’t yet know -
    The Doctor: What secret? That she’s ours? Isn’t that going a bit -
    River: Or daughter, the most important chld in all of Time and Space…the child of a Time Lord and a (her words are drowned out by a massive shock wave – and in the distant dark and fiery sky they see a huge portion of the asteroid splitting from the main body and filling the sky with burning rocks and bodies and the remains of vast ships)
    The Doctor (reaching for River who has pushed him toward the TARDIS while she stumbles backward, the widening fissure now between them…) “RIVER!!!!”
    River (yelling above the din): The Baby – OUR Baby, my Love, our beautiful daughter, her name is Syreiad-
    Zoom In – Close up of the Doctor’s face – there is suddenly no sound, and everything appears to be moving in slow motion –
    The Doctor: “Syreiad….the Mother of the Time Lord race….” (the “Wooowho whooo” music from DT’s era plays quietly in the background)
    River (now standing tall – it is still quiet, almost as if the Doctor and River are outside of Time and Space, like Time has stopped): You and I…it was destined to be, The Great Circle of Time – the Future creating the Past to create the Future – Our baby girl, our beautiful daughter – is the Great Mother of the Time Lords – she will claim Gallifrey as her own, rule the Ancient Past and from her will come the foundation of the Time Lord race – All Time Lords shall be born from the Great Mother…
    The Doctor (shocked, almost disbelieving): No, that’s not poss-
    River (emohatically): the Nexus Point revolves around her, my love,- All Time and Space is swirling around these events, around us, around our child – they MUST come to pass – All That IS – and has been and will be, depends on this moment, this child, the Child of Time from our Love – nothing matters but our baby, she must survive this, she must be protected at all costs – and there are more nightmares waiting and biding their time than you can possibly imagine my Love – you must take her and RUN, RUN like you have never run before – There’s so much more –
    The fissure suddenly rips apart and RIver and the Doctor against the TARDIS are flung meters apart -

    The Doctor is speechless as the enormity of the situation kicks in – he looks at River, meets her teary gaze.
    “I will protect her with my Life. I…understand, I finally understand, all of it…”
    River: Go! Quickly! This isn’t the end, but the beginning Sweetie! Talk with Amy, she will agree but watch for the…(she smiles and dips her head slightly), I’m sorry, spoilers….Go Sweetie….(she looks at him) Doctor….We’ll meet again soon – (she starts tearing up, bt with a smile) and take it easy on me – I was naive back then..
    The Doctor (manages a chuckle): You, naive? Now I have heard everything! (Something crashes immediately behind the TARDIS and flames shoot up behind and around it, framing the TARDIS in fire. A low rumble begins to disturb the bubble of silence around them..)
    River: I -
    The Doctor (without hesitation): -Love You, Professor River Song.
    (They stare at each other for a moment like an eternity is passing between them unsaid. River smiles and then begins crying, her body trembling as much from emotion as the Ground Quakes. But she doesn’t reply, smiling and tears rolling, as though from her lack of a response to the Doctor’s words show they have finally passed the midpoint in their temporal meetings.
    Suddenly the quiet is shattered as the death throws of Demon’ Run return, and the moment in Time has passed. The Doctor turns and goes into the TARDIS – River watches the awesome spectacle, the TARDIS a dark silhouette framed by hell and the dematerialization sound barely audible over the massive destruction.
    River quickly slides up her sleeve and starts to activate her Vortex Manipulator when a a dark figure seemingly steps out of nowhere and grabs her from behind. River gasps. The Attacker rasps “Going somewhere Professor Song? Not just yet My Dear” he grasps her violently by her wrists, whips back his cloak and appears to activate his own device, and they disappear together just as the asteroid flash explodes from time and space….

    TO BE CONTINUED….

    WOW, I woke up with my heart pounding – and I swear I kept getting all freaking happy and excited like I had truly been watching “AGMGTW”!!! I’m actually kind of nervous now, because I can’t imagine the real reveal is going to be that massive! Well, it seemed massive to me in the dream itself – you know how they can be. And yes, I know it’s weird because it started out with me part of the dream, but then ended like I was watching it on TV. At least I hope I went inside the TARDIS before it all temporally disintegrated!!!

  14. avatar January Lost says:

    I don’t see many people considering the idea that perhaps River is Amy?

    Pond / River… all the overt flirting… having seen Amy as a child, a young lady, why not see her as a woman?

    Not sure if I’m even convinced. But it’s still viable.

    I’m still hoping for something original, too. Of course I’d love if she was actually married to a future Doctor—to be able to see a vicarious glimpse into his future would be a thrill.


    • I have a bet going with someone on the forums where I’ll owe a fiver if River is Amy and the “good man” she killed is Rory… so I hope you’re wrong! ;)

      • avatar January Lost says:

        Ah, well at least my speculation isn’t entirely out of right field! Good luck to you on your bet. Just on that, I hope I’m wrong, too.

  15. avatar clamzilla says:

    I’m going with the idea that River is actually a future regeneration of The Doctor. Nobody loves The Doctor quite like he loves himself or herself as the case may be.

  16. avatar SDP says:

    She could be Donna.

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