Returning with the superb cutting edge review technology device, Simon Mills brings us a 100% real-time review of The Doctor’s Daughter in:
Kopic’s Radical Analysis Process With Indiosyncratic Textualising (KRAPWIT) – The Doctor’s Daughter Review
We open this with everything shaking, rattling and rolling while The Doctor and Martha tell Donna about his severed hand and the fact he grew it back. Donna calls him completely impossible but he replies, "No – just unlikely!" As they land and step out into the brave new world, Martha says that she loves this bit – "the excitement of a brand new world," says Donna. This brave new world has soldiers in it. "Never any weapons!" says The Doctor as he raises his weaponless hands. The soldiers then proceed to declare the newbies as "clean" and stick The Doctor’s hand (one that’s still attached) into a machine which The Doctor theorizes is sampling his DNA for rapid extrapolation.
Hey presto! Smoke and mirrors! Hmmmm… babelicious chick with big…weapon emerges from the machine. There’s gotta be a chauvinistic comment I can make here, but don’t think I will. "Hullo, dad!" says The Doctor’s rapidly extrapolated pseudo-progeny.
Attack of the Hath! Nice monster design, very interesting. Especially the fishy-breathing apparatus that seems to allow them to walk about in the air. The Doctor’s rapidly extrapolated pseudo-progeny blows up the tunnel after Martha is kidnapped by the Hath. "Collateral damage," she says. "No she isn’t," declares the noble Donna, "Have. You. Got. That…GI Jane!" I like Donna…but not so likeable here when she’s being indignant. I can’t quite shake the "Am I bovvered" Lauren character of Tate’s at these times.
We cut to Martha picking herself out of the rubble and encountering the wounded Hath. She theorizes that he/it has a dislocated arm and relocates it for him/it. I think I’ll stick with "him". Lot simpler. More Hath arrive and the one Martha helped stops them from doing angry-fish things to her. "I’m, Dr Martha Jones…Who the hell are you?" Poor Freema! Why has she been given such cheesey lines for her comeback? "I’m bringing you back… to Earth!" These aren’t lines, they’re cheesey soundbites (with added vitamins)
We learn that The Doctor’s rapidly extrapolated pseudo-progeny is "born" with in-built military knowledge and The Doctor calls her a "generated anomaly". This gives Donna the idea to call The Doctor’s rapidly extrapolated pseudo-progeny "Jenny," Thank goodness!! I was getting tired of typing "The Doctor’s rapidly extrapolated pseudo-progeny" Donna expounds on the fact that The Doctor’s rapidly extrapolated pseudo-progeny is really his daughter and goes as far as mentioning her friend who impregnated herself with a turkey baster. Urgh. Not tea-time imagery I generally look for, but I’m sure it happens in "certain circles" of society who shun the involvement of men in the process. ’nuff said.
Martha meets more Hath and gets stroked and prodded.
General Cobb, grizzled veteran explains that they’ve been at war with the Hath for generations. Donna wonders why windows built underground and starts pondering the meaning of numbers. Jenny is a child of the machine…born with knowledge how to fight and how to die.
10mins 45s – UNIT logo! Whoa there, buddy! What’s the deal here??? What is UNIT doing out here? Is this some part of the mysterious story arc this year? Jenny: Body, mind thought… how is that not real.
Cobb says they are looking for the source. Whoever holds the source holds the power of life and death. The Doctor likes a sauce. Sonic Screwdriver does it’s magic bit again and reveals more map. Soooo corny. However, the Hath see extended map, too… "Look up Genocide and you’ll see a picture of me, the caption will say ‘over my dead body’," says the Doctor. We are then treated to YET ANOTHER outing for the Doctor/Donna "we’re not a couple" running gag. Sheesh. Breath of God on my side, says Cobb. Doctor has "this" on his side, tapping his head. Hmmmm… "Breath of God"… That reminds me, the latest Indiana Jones movie is out next week!
Martha thinks she’s started a war.
Doctor, Donna and Jenny locked up and the Doctor talks about the Breath of Life. Nice bit where Jenny starts telling the Doctor he thinks like a soldier. "I’m trying to stop the fighting," he says. "Isn’t every soldier?" counters Jenny. The Doctor is lost for words for once.
More sonic trickery with mobile phones and Doc calls Martha. One wonders what tariff they’re on with their Inclusive Galactic Minutes. This is starting to annoy me big time. Take one ordinary earth mobile phone, waggle your sonic magic stick at it and all of a sudden you can talk across the whole of time and space with it??? Come on! My mobile loses it’s signal just by looking at a tunnel… Anyway, I digress (often).
Oops. Martha tells Doctor that the Hath have the extended map as well. Doctor has started a war. Donna points out that Jenny is Doctor’s daughter and is Time Lord as well, or at least has two hearts. The eyes have it. Georgia has gorgeous eyes. Doctor calls Jenny an "echo", a Time Lord is so much more… Cue more angst and agonizing over loss of Time Lords and Gallifrey. Gone forever… Woe… Fought and killed. How are we different?
Martha realises she can get to the temple quicker by going overground. The haddock wants to go with her.
Jenny seduces guard and pulls gun on him. We like Jenny. "Like to see you try that" says Donna. Funny. Donna offers to distract next one with her wiles. Doctor wisely stops her. Produces clockwork mouse and Jenny knocks him out. "It worked, didn’t it?" – definite Terminator vibe going on.
Martha reaches exit to the surface and the haddock is reluctant to go further. She asks fishman if he wants to feel the wind on his face… odd request for a fish, but it seems to do the trick and he joins her on the surface of Messaline. This is ANOTHER nice alien landscape. Wow, we’re being spoilt this year what with the Ood-Sphere and now Messaline.
Kopic wonders why the BBC put such crap pics on their site when we have some lovely alien landscapes to marvel at and some great character scenes?
"Been waiting all my life for this," says Cobb. Just how long is that wonders Kopic?
More numerology from Donnna. Jenny wonders why they’re always thinking. "What are Time Lords for?" asks Jenny. Travel…saves planets… defeats terrible creatures. "Serious amount of running," says Donna.
They run into a corridor which seems to have been attacked by a serious game of Ker-Plunk using deadly lasers. Why so elaborate? Why not a mesh? Surely that would be more efficient at blocking any path? Bye-Bye mousey! More numbers, counting down.
Jenny wants to hold up the pursuers. We always have a choice says doc. Nothing but a soldier…she’s trying to help. Jenny chooses not to shoot Cobb but is then en-Ker-Plunkified. "Watch and learn," she says and then back flips through the lasers. "Impossible," says Donna. "Not impossible, just unlikely!" replies The Doctor, echoing the earlier sentiment Daddy’s proud of his rapidly extrapolated pseudo-progeny.
Back on surface with the fish out of water… and the haddock. Martha falls into quick sand and fish face jumps in to save her but is then stuck himself. Martha is a tad upset. Kopic wonders why she is so distraught, overwrought and overacting. Its not like she’s known him for that long. Also wonders how long the hath will survive in the murk assuming that his breathing apparatus is intact.
Jenny asks about Doc and Donna travelling "together". Donna asks The Doctor "Do you think Jenny will see any new worlds?" "I suppose so," he replies, "We can’t leave you here". Oh, dear! That signed her death warrant! Dadshock pronounces Donna. The Doctor confesses to Donna that he’s been a father before. More ansgt about loss of family and Time Lords. Hole they left…pain…death…never come back… Donna thinks he’s wrong and tells him so. Jenny comes back and asks if it’s time to run again. "Love the running!"
We reach the temple doors and Donna goes on about numbers again. Not like temple…fusion drive transport… "It’s a spaceship!" Power cells still powered up and functioning. They interrogate the ships log and find that the mission commander dead, Hath and humans divided into factions in the subsequent power vacuum. Donna’s library experience proves useful as she decyphers the number mystery – It’s the date! "The new Byzantine Calendar!" realises the Doctor. Another Roman reference, notes Kopic. "This war started seven days ago," says Donna, generations, not years. Each generation passes on the legend. Martha and the others bump into each other at last and proceeds to ask if anyone can smell flowers? Kopic can smell cheese. Does that count?
"Iszhn’t thiszh brilliANT?" says the Doctor as they run into the hydroponics section. This is Wrath of Khan stuff with terraforming. In come the soldiers and the Doctor tells them their religion is crap. Subtle. No more fighting… Declares war over and smashes the holy hand grenade. A greenish gas mix fills the air and floats off which seems to cause spontaneous multilateral disarmament… Except for General Corn-on-the-Cobb who shoots at the Doc but hits Jenny. Oh no! Doctor finally accepts her as his daughter and comforts her as she dies. More angst than you can shake an angst schtick at (easier to type than say!). "Two hearts," he says, imploring Martha to reassure him that she’ll regenerate but Martha explains that she was no enough like him. "That’s the problem, too much like me!" Doctor fixes Cobb with steely glar…uh oh! Trouble! Holds gun at Cobb’s head and looks really annoyed…"I never would!" says he as he turns the gun around and drops it. He goes on to tell everyone present to base their society on a man "who never would." Hmmm… Kopic now thinks about Face of Evil and what happens when religions get based on him.
Doctor explains that Jenny was the reason for TARDIS taking them there, but too early and they ended up creating her. "Endless Paradox". Doctor Jones and Doctor Smith, that’s a "pair o’ docs". Har. Har. Home again, home again, jiggety jig.
"I’m gonna travel with that man forever," says Donna. Uh oh! Another kiss of death! "All those things you’ve been ready to die for," says Martha, "I thought you’d finally found something worth living for." "Always something worth living for," responds the Doctor. Martha sighs, turns away and fingers her ring.
Terraforming gas escapes Jenny’s lips. More Khan/Spock imagery. "Hello, boys!" Jenny runs away to do her thang and explore the universe… "Can’t stop… What you gonna do? Tell my dad? Planets to save…an awful lot of running to do!" Music sounds like another Murray Gold character theme. That’s it, we’ll definitely see HER again!