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Wallpapering the Crack!

Imagine trying to wallpaper the interior of the TARDIS? Even if you somehow managed to wrangle an infinite amount of paste out of the universe there’s the small matter of exactly where to start.

You know those painting and decorating companies that go by the name Splodges & Son? Well, it would literally be a case of generation after generation clambering up ladders while listening to Radio 2 (or its galactic equivalent) – working on the formerly roundel covered walls to cover the infinite possibilities of the TARDIS.

That’s a lot of decorators. What if one of them decides to become a financial consultant instead? Who’ll finish off the Karaoke bar?

That’s not to mention the stylistic nightmare that awaits the Doctor – as a barometer of cool it would be one half contemporary (to which period probably depends on what’s outside the front doors), the other half, Miss Havisham’s bedroom – a decaying mess of past generations patchwork papering.

There may even one day be museums and history classes dedicated to the lineage of that nice Paisley pattern of 4024.

That is of course if the Doctor doesn’t travel back in time and erase the period where he hired Mr Splodges – then its back to gray wall panel number one.

But don’t worry you’ll have plenty of time to ponder the significance of the Solvite paradigm as you stare at your fabulous TARDIS Interior Wallpaper!

Now your bedroom could be part of the TARDIS…or hovering anonymously in the corner of it if the picture provided by Forbidden Planet is anything to go by.

Melding together state of the art digital technology and well, a bucket and some step ladders, the 10ft by 8ft wall mural comes in five unique designs (TARDIS interior, Van Gogh’s Exploding TARDIS, Daleks and the TARDISAmy and the Doctor swirling through the Vortex and plan old Amy and the Doctor) and comes in a protective box – making it ideal for a Christmas present – although the Forbidden Planet spiel about:  ‘Wake the kids up this Christmas with an amazing themed room…’ is a little suspect.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, no creature was stirring expect for the child violently woke up by Mom and Dad having a bitter row over air bubbles in their TARDIS Wall Mural.

If you fancy papering over the cracks in time each design is available to pre-order for release on the 30th November.


Everyone has a favourite Doctor and mine - just for his honesty, his fairness and his ability to not notice the Master's awful, awful disguises/anagrams (Sir Gilles Estram!?!) - has to be the Fifth Doctor, Peter Davison. The stories didn’t serve him as well as his acting served those stories.

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