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Published on January 31st, 2011 | by Andrew Reynolds

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Matt’s Hairy Going On’s

We were minding our own business today, happily maintaining our reputation as the most comprehensive Doctor Who site on’t Internet, when who should call us but agent to the stars Irving Bizarre!

Irving, for those not in the know, represents just about anyone who’s anyone who’s dead but today he had a rare living client for us who he thought we’d be interested in interviewing, who not only appears in series 6 of Doctor Who but also has some amazingly close and ’fuzzy’ chemistry with Matt Smith.

“Well,” we replied  ”Let’s meet this talented newbie!” And so, in a coffee shop that rhymes with  ’imposters’ we sat patiently waiting wondering who exactly would walk through the door? A glamorous soap star? An old school acting legend? Danny Dyer?

It was none of those, no, rather it was Matt Smith’s fake beard:

“Where’s my money sunshine!”

After explaining to him that we don’t offer cash for interviews and placating him with a Creme Brulee Latte he generously agreed to give a short interview:

“Nah! Matt needs me! Of course he does! He can’t grow facial hair. He’s about 12 ain’t he?”

It turns out that for scenes set to appear in a forthcoming episode (a glimpse of which can be viewed in the trailer) the Doctor will be incarcerated where he’ll become as hairy as Jerry Garcia but unfortunately there wasn’t time for Matt to grow a full beard.

Matt Smiths Fake Beard also let slip that the process of removal was less than comfortable for the pair of them.

“Strike a light they used this chemical. It smelt like White Turps or sumint. I was less than impressed by all Matt’s whining ‘oh it hurts my face’ Bah, Steve McFadden didn’t moan like a girl when i was clinging to his deathly jowls.”

The hostility doesn’t end there. When we informed the beard that Matt was off to film scenes specially scripted by Steven Moffat for the Doctor Who Experience, Matt Smiths Fake Beard went balistic:

“I shoulda been in one of dem glass cases with grubby fingered kids trying to read about how important i was to Who and stuff. Only, once Matt found out that i wanted to make an appearance, well he put a stop to it. Said kids don’t wanna see what was once Sam Aston’s foot hair.”

It was at this point when, cup drained, Matt Smith’s Fake Beard offered to climb on our face for £20. Naturally we declined which only seemed to enrage him further. He promptly stormed out of the coffee shop saying he’d never read Blogtor Who again. We tried to correct his mistake but he had already left.

The Doctor Who Experience, which promises to put fans at the heart of the action, opens at London’s Olympia Two from February 20. Tickets and further information on what goodies lie in store can be found on the exhibitions website.

(via Press Association)

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About the Author

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Everyone has a favourite Doctor and mine - just for his honesty, his fairness and his ability to not notice the Master's awful, awful disguises/anagrams (Sir Gilles Estram!?!) - has to be the Fifth Doctor, Peter Davison. The stories didn’t serve him as well as his acting served those stories.




2 Responses to Matt’s Hairy Going On’s

  1. avatar Maxtible Crust says:

    OI! SPOILERS! Where was the warning? You mixed in with you’re outlandish story the ACTUAL fact that in the new series the Doctor is incarcerated for a lengthy period of time at some point! It’s all right though – I’ll let you off purely because I love Kasterborous.com

    Don’t do it again like, I had been spoiler free since June ’10 until today you bad men..


  2. I would suggest that as this information is public domain – released by Press Association, no less – that it isn’t really a spoiler.

    Obviously one mans spoiler is another mans Gallifrey Base, but other than postulating that the Doctor is imprisoned and grows a beard, thereby suggesting they’ve had him a few weeks, we’re a bit baffled.

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