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Torchwood Skit

SFX has revisited the superb Torchwood: Children of Earth miniseries from 2009 by making it the subject of one of its panto-ish Scriptease features.

Torchwood Children of Earth starring John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Gareth David-LloydTorchwood: Children of Earth starred John Barrowman as Jack Harkness, Eve Myles as Gwen Cooper, Gareth David-Lloyd as Ianto Jones and Pater Capaldi as Frobisher, and was writeen by Russell T Davies, John Fay and James Moran.

SFX’s version is a little less sophisticated, although it certainly gets the point across – rather forcibly at times. There is a definite feel of Sixth Former panto about the following:


Somewhere in the BRITISH GOVERNMENT, MALCOLM TUCKER from THE THICK OF IT is acting his socks off and trying to remember not to swear. He is in charge of liaising with the ALIENS, who have been using the CHILDREN to announce their arrival the next day.

JOHN FROBISHER: You can build a spaceship but you can’t use Hotmail to warn us instead? Invest in some broadband, guys.
THE 456: Hey, you’re Malcolm Tucker! Go on, insult us. You’re so funny when you insult people!
FROBISHER: I’m not Malcolm Tucker, I’m John Frobisher.
THE 456: Wait a minute, didn’t we last see you in Pompeii around 79AD?
FROBISHER: Just f***ing shut the f*** up you miserable pieces of c****** alien fleabags or I’ll d****** the lot of you!

THE 456: Yay! We love you, Malcolm!

Read the full skit on the SFX website. By the so-called Reduced SFX Company, other Scriptease subjects have included Stargate: SG1 Series 1, and The Ghost Whisperer.

Christian Cawley


A long-term Doctor Who fan, Christian grew up watching the show and has early memories of the Graham Williams era. His favourite stories are Inferno, The Seeds of Doom and Human Nature (although The Empty Child, Blink and Utopia all come close). When he’s not bossing around the news team, Christian is a freelance writer specialising in mobile technology and domestic computing, and enjoys classic rock, cooking and spending time in the countryside with his wife and young children. You can find him on Twitter, Facebook and Google+.

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