Paul The Other One!

Nick Brown has been working it out again – all of the Series 4 clues unwrapped and presented in their full glory:

The series 4 clues are there…

There are only a few televisual events to look forward to every year. The Eurovision Song Contest for one, the FA Cup Final for another, and the New Year thing with Jools Holland.

But these days you can add another one to the list…the end of the series of Doctor Who. Let’s recap…

Series 1: The whole ‘Bad Wolf’ thing; an entire army of Daleks, led by the Emperor, coming out of hiding to wreak their own particular brand of vengeance on anyone who gets in their way; a regeneration.

Series 2: A Dalek-Cybermen face-off; Pete and Jackie reunited; the loss of Rose (no, I’m not going to think too much of that slow-motion scream, the melancholic musical score, the Doctor and Rose crying on either side of the wall or the Doctor’s last words "I suppose it’s my last chance to say it. Rose Tyler – (fade out)" because I’m far too much of a big macho man to blub over a science-fiction programme…and I…I…I……no, it’s ok, there’s nothing to see here…).

Just give me a minute…

Right, series 3: ‘You Are Not Alone’; the return of the Master.

But series 4 promises to be the most amazing of all. We all know that Russell T Davies likes to give little hints as to what will happen. So, after much investigation, piecing clues together and making one and one make five, it’s all fallen into place. There’s been a lot of speculation as to who will be the ‘big bad enemy’ this time around. Will it be the Rani? Or Omega? Or Davros? Or will the Master return? Could we even see the Time War? The truth, however, is much more terrifying than that. And it’s been building up, not only in series 4, but ever since Doctor Who returned to our screens. I deduce, using all my cunning, that the big bad enemy will be none other than…

Look away now if you don’t want the surprise spoilt…

Paul Young!

Yes, that’s right, Paul Young, the pop singer of the 1980s and 90s.

"He’s gone completely tonto," you now think. But before you send for the men in white coats, let me explain my reasoning…

The first clue was a clever one. There was a different Paul Young who used to play in the groups Sad Cafe and Mike And The Mechanics. Now, think back to the end of the first series. The Doctor had returned Rose home to Earth to avoid almost certain death at the hands (well, protuberances) of the Daleks. Heartbroken, she sat in a cafe with Mickey and Jackie. So there’s your Sad Cafe. Also, by the start of the second series, Mickey was now employed at the local garage. Mick And The Mechanics. Obviously, this particular Paul Young cannot be revealed as, sadly, he passed away in the year 2000. The clues, however, kept coming thick and fast…

In series two, our intrepid time travellers met Madame du Pompadour who was, of course, French. Paul Young had an album entitled ‘No Parlez’. Madame du Pompadour’s real name was Jeanne-Antoinette Poisson. The word ‘poisson’ is French for ‘fish’. This was a clever bluff because Fish (real name Derek William Dick) was the singer in the group Marillion, although the pop star link is still there.

We move on to series three. Martha Jones, the new companion, was a trainee doctor. Back in 1984, Mr Paul Young sung the first line of the charity record ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’. So what? So, the huge collection of stars who collaborated on that record went under the name of Band Aid, that’s what. In her time, Martha must have applied hundreds of band aids to cuts and scrapes.

Also, at the end of Human Nature, the Doctor imprisoned the family members in various places, one of which was inside a mirror. One of Paul Young’s albums is entitled ‘Reflections’.

You see, not so bonkers now, am I…?

So what clues do we have from the present series? A fair few, actually…

Clue 1: The Doctor is now travelling with Donna Noble. Hands up who remembers Paul Young’s duet with Italian singer Zucchero. And who remembers the title? That’s right, ‘Senza Una Donna’.

Clue 2: The Doctor and Donna visited Pompeii. After the volcano eruption, the whole place became a big graveyard. This ties in nicely with the fact that in 1985 Paul Young reached number 16 in the British pop charts with a song called ‘Tomb Of Memories’. Pompeii is, basically, a massive tomb. And the Doctor and Donna have memories of watching the place go bang. The residents of Pompeii – aside from the family rescued – were toast. Which, would you believe it, was the title of a 1978 novelty record by a group called Streetband. Their lead singer? Well, you can probably have an educated guess…

Clue 3: Paul Young’s greatest hits album is called ‘From Time To Time’. A reference to time travel perhaps?

Clue 4: Youngie hit the top ten in 1984 with a song called ‘Everything Must Change’. What is one of the running themes from the series? Unnatural evolution, or change. Remember the nasty business bloke who changed into an Ood? What about Reverend What’s-His-Name who changed forms into the giant wasp in the Agatha Christie episode? And of course Time Lords change, don’t they? They regenerate.

Clue 5: The titles of a couple of forthcoming episodes are ‘Turn Left’ and ‘Midnight’. With regards to ‘Turn Left’, that is precisely the direction our songster has to take from his front door to get to the local Off Licence. And ‘Midnight’ is the title of a song from the musical ‘Cats’ that Paul Young has probably whistled in the shower at some point…

It all falls into place, doesn’t it? Ok, I admit that clue 5 might need a bit of work but you have to admit it is eerie.

So, come episodes 12 and 13, don’t anticipate Daleks or Cybermen or Ice Warriors or the Nimon. When the big reveal happens, expect to see a spiky haired crooner terrorising all with renditions of ‘Love Of The Common People’ and ‘Wherever I Lay My Hat That’s My Home’.

Speaking of hats, Mr Russell T Davies I have put one on especially so I can doff it in your direction. You’ve certainly excelled yourself this time…

By Nick Brown



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