Published on April 4th, 2006 | by Brian A Terranova
The Krau Timmin Interview
Something shocking was hand delivered to Kasterborous Towers not too long ago, something that shocked us all. When we opened the package we found what looked like a TV remote, so we thought nothing of it and decided to see if it would work on our TV , that is until Christian uttered these words “Oh my Giddy Auntâ€¦” and then passed out on the floor.
When he awoke Anthony and I made fun of him for quite a bit, as any good friends would do, but Christian would hear none of it, instead he told us what we had in our hands.
“Krau Timminâ€™s Palm Pilot” he said, “But how?” we said “Thereâ€™s no view screen”
So we spent the next several months and all of our life-savings to figure out how it worked, until Anthony said “Why donâ€™t you just interview her? It might be faster.”
Well Mister Smarty Pants was right, it was faster and made life so much better. Krau Timmin was kind enough to grant us an interview.
Now please join us for “The Krau Timmin Interview.”
Interestingly enough Krau Timmin says she did not spend much time with the Sirius Conglomerate before her big promotion to CEO, in fact her time there lasted about two weeks.
KT: Well how I got my foot in the door was easy, I killed Trau Morgusâ€™ secretary and had assumed her responsibilities. I was so set to be rich off of my evil schemes that I didnâ€™t even notice my mistake. HA! If only I knew then, I was such a young fool.
BT: Why do you say that? Your plans seemed to have worked as far as we can tell.
KT: I had been there a week and Morgus hadnâ€™t done anything wrong. One day he had even bought me chocolates and said what a good job I was doing! That was funny in itself as i hadnâ€™t done anything but spy on him! He was such a nice man.
BT: Erâ€¦ we got the impression that you two didnâ€™t really get along.
KT: Oh well you see, as I said, I had made a huge mistake. See I was having second thoughts about unleashing my evil plans on him. I tried to actually work for him as he was so nice, and then I noticed it.
BT: Noticed what?
KT: The sign on my door, it read “The Office of Trau Morbuz.” I had made a stupid mistake, an honest one, but still a mistake nonetheless. As I said I was young and foolish.
BT: You had the wrong office, and you killed the wrong secretary, oh dear. So what did you do then?
KT: Ohâ€¦ erâ€¦ I simply resigned and then applied at Trau Morgusâ€™s real office. Next question please.
We werenâ€™t exactly taken by her answer so we did some checking into this at the Corporate Offices of the Sirius Conglomerate and it seems that over the weekend following her first week with the company, the office of Trau Morbuz was gutted in a freak “Palm Pilot combustion incident”. Due to this Krau Timmin was put on loan to Morgusâ€™s office as his secretary came down with a rather bad case of “falling down an elevator shaft.”
BT: Ok, so you get hired in Morgusâ€™s office and you seem to have acted rather quickly with your plans.
KT: Well I had to, I had already wasted a week. Beside Morgus made it easy for me to act quickly, the fool. I knew exactly what his plans were with Sharaz Jek and the spectrox for weapons trades.
BT: How could you have learned all this so quickly?
KT: HA! I had planned on bugging his office, but it seems I didnâ€™t even need to go that far. In my first hour of working for him he spilled the beans.
BT: He just told you his plans? just like that?
KT: Oh no, not to me. See I had gone in his office to introduce myself and there he was, justâ€¦ just talking to the wall all about his plans as if he needed to explain it in order to understand it. Weirdo.
She went on to explain that walls were not the only things Morgus liked to speak to, over the next few days she would catch him chatting with his plants, the window, and even on one occasion a toaster.
BT: What was Trau Morgus like? Aside from the wall taking?
KT: That man was a %%&*%&* Nutter! I went in his office once to tell him about this execution that heâ€™s been so looking forward to and he was practically drooling over the thought of these two androids getting killed! I mean how sick are you? He acted as if they were real people.
BT: Well he was smart enough to kill your President and make it look like an accident.
KT: Oh Please! That man stole my idea! There is no way a man who talks to inanimate objects would have the brains to even think about stealing my idea let alone come up with the same one! But somehow he did it, he sent the President down to his death. I should sue for copyright infringement.
Seeing as I was talking to a cold blooded killer I thought it best to not mention to her that she tried to cover up her elevator incident earlier in this interview. Instead I tried to change the subject.
BT: What can you tell me about Stotz?
KT: Oh we had a fling some time ago but then he found out about the other man in my life. It was a bad situation.
BT: Krelper? Is that right, we heard rumorsâ€¦
KT: Yes,â€¦ Krelper, oh dear that takes me back, anyway they were always at each other throats because of me. Trying to win my attentionâ€¦
She paused there and I waited for ten minutes for her to continue but she didnâ€™t so I stepped in.
BT: Erâ€¦ Tell me about how you came to be the CEO.
KT: Well, Morgus decided to go to Major as he was beginning to feel the pressure of the Presidium breathing down his neck. So while he was out I decided to show them some video recordings I had made of Morgus in his office.
BT: How did they respond when they heard his plans on tape?
KT: Sadly I wasnâ€™t able to tape him talking about his plans or talking to the floor or anything like that. I missed my opportunity there, but I did have this one of him dancing around his office stark naked sprinkling raw spectrox all over himself. That was enough for the Praesidium to take me at my word about the rest and they promptly promoted me to CEO.
BT: So what did you do when you took over?
KT: Well my first order of business was to remove those terrible model buildings Morgus kept outside his windows and have them replaced with real windows. Then I decided to make the place my own and cleaned a bit. Do you know what I found in his drawer? A “Karkus” action figure! Oh my, he was worse then I thought!
BT: Well lots of guys still play withâ€¦.
KT: But the best was when he called me from Major! He was so mad to see that I was in “His” office. It felt so good to tell him about his accounts being liquidated, then telling him that I stole job! Oh he was so angry I swore he head was going to explode in front of me.
It would seem that being the CEO of a company has itâ€™s perks, Krau Timmin had to take a call while chatting with me and she received it on her new palm pilot deluxe. This one has a view screen and all. Very stylish.
BT: I couldnâ€™t help but notice you Palm Pilot, the Kasterborous team have been trying to figure out how you were ever able to read or write thing on your old one. Could you please shed some light on this and tell us how it works?
BT: Uh, ok, so how about Krelper can you tell us what he was like?
KT: Iâ€™d rather not talk about this now, thanks.
BT: Oh sorryâ€¦ How about Sharaz Jek, didnâ€™t you have a fling with him too? Come to think of it, I’ve seen a photo of you with General Chellak. And how about Major Selateen while he was just a Lieutenant – and didn’t you attend a state banquet with the President himself?
KT: I donâ€™t have to sit here and take this!
As Timmin stormed out of Kasterborous Towers I sat there for a moment wondering what we had learned from all of this. I think itâ€™s pretty obvious that we learned nothing. Well nothing other than we have to much time on our hands here at Kasterborous Towers, playing with our RC Daleks and watching “Space:1999″â€¦ what? Oh sorry. Christian says I shouldnâ€™t write that.